Monday, May 9, 2011

Ahoy!!

There be pirates in Lagos, Portugal!
Aaaaaaaaar!   I be needin’ to tie down the jib with a worthy buccaneer! (In English, that would be “I need to marry a pirate!”)

Just think of the life we could have together --  all the travel and adventure!  Think of all the tropical islands we could hide out on!  Think of all the rum-based drinks he would know how to whip up.  And think of all the ruffle-y shirts I could borrow from him! 

Pirates are just so sexy in that unwashed, swash-buckling way.  No other straight guys can carry off the lace, the puffy shirts and the thigh high boots.  Or lack of personal hygiene.

I admit that my fascination with pirates does have a tiny bit to do with my crush on Johnny Depp, but really, it started well before any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies came out.  It dates back to early days of the century, when I was conducting some internet “research” into the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (i.e. surfing the net – undoubtedly while being paid to do something else entirely!) 

Graph
This research led to the subsequent discovery of the relationship between the rise in global temperature and the decrease in the number of pirates worldwide.  See graph.

Now, this begs the question, “Would an increase in the number of pirates slow or reverse global warming?”

Don’t we owe it to Science to at least try an experiment?  It wouldn’t do the world any harm if we all adopted a goofy accent, eye patches and some spectacular clothing to match.  At the very least, it would liven things up at the office.



A few years back, I took a trip to Portugal with a good friend and her grown up son. We somehow got onto the subject of the FSM and the Pirate Corollary on the flight to Faro, and ended up spending most of the next two weeks talking like pirates and three sheets to the wind.  

Portugal
is a good place to have an obsession with buccaneers, what with its history of sea-faring, exploring, piracy and all.  And it’s funny how, when you are tuned into something, you see evidence of it every where!  It felt like everywhere we looked we saw pirate ships – from the shop signs to the full sized pirate ship we stumbled upon in Lagos.

Only 5 euros at the gypsy market!
I became so pirate-obsessed, I even bought clothing: a t-shirt emblazoned with a skull and cross-bones and the words “Pirate Ladies” and pair of pointy-toed buckle-y shoes that would make a pirate proud – and only 5 Euros at the gypsy market! 

My pirate obsession resurfaced recently because at work (I work with kids) I have been dealing with a number of pirates while organizing a trip to Pirate Adventures in Ottawa.  The lads have been leaving phone messages for me in pirate, and answering “Ahoy” when I return their calls.  I get a little flustered and flushed when I talk to them, what with their talk of booty and the size of their cutlasses……

We’ll get to spend an entire morning with the likes of Barnacle Bill, Typhoid Terry and Cap’n Murky, cruising the high seas in a “real facsimile” pirate ship! (ok, ok maybe not quite the high seas… more like Mooney’s Bay, but at least it’s real water).  I can’t wait!!

Where does one find a pirate in 2011?  There’s always internet dating….. Can you believe that there really are Pirate-based dating sites out there?  Google it for yourself.  You know you want to.  Now, I ask you: if you had to choose between the Vegan Atheist dating site I’ve mentioned previously and Pirate’s Booty.com (or whatever it’s called) wouldn’t your choice be as obvious and simple as mine?

With my luck, I will end up dating the kind of pirate who burns dvds of his downloaded old Star Trek episodes and sells them in back alleys. But as long as he is willing to share his ruffley shirts, I think it could still work out! Aye, me hearties, it could still work out!



1 comment:

  1. Finally, I'm catching up with my reader. And low and behold, you've updated your blog!

    Go for the pirate booty!

    peace,

    ReplyDelete